


swear not by the moon

by katsukiqb



Category: Dr. STONE (Anime), Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gay, M/M, Tsukasen, no petrification
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:35:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25159360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katsukiqb/pseuds/katsukiqb
Summary: some eyes are too pretty, and some lights shine too bright, and sometimes you fall in love without ever really knowing it.but for senku, he was desperately too aware of himself, of the inconstant moon, to fall easily into the night.hm a college!au for tsukasen ... get into it.
Relationships: Ishigami Senkuu/Shishiou Tsukasa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	swear not by the moon

**Author's Note:**

> hi. please read my tsukasen fic. i love them so much. gay people are bad at love and really good at it at the same time you know..?

1.0

into the new world

it wasn’t pouring. there was nothing in the sky. and there wouldn’t be for a while. it hadn’t rained in two weeks, but senku was looking at the sky like he wished it would. he wished it would start raining right there over him and he could melt away like sugar and his body would just dissolve into something else; dissolve and maybe enter a drainpipe somewhere and along the way deposit into a lake. take part in the water cycle and escape into the endless loop of nature. life would be easier if he were just a raindrop.

senku looked from the terrifying darkness of the clear night sky to his phone and the message _It's been awhile Ishigami, ;)_ sat in his line of sight, waiting for him. the asshole who sent it knew what he was doing. that man had been told off by senku how many times? senku didn’t think to count. but if senku knew one thing, it was that he thought too much, far too much for any boy to handle. just from one text, no matter if the sky he looked at was clear or filled with rain clouds, his thoughts were constricted by the memory of _him._ by the memory of everything that happened before and the overbearing weight of the things in the future that could. he hated it. senku did not desire or like knowing the idea of being controlled.

with four words, senku’s night was ruined. with four words and two green sneakers that were moving too slow for the boy’s liking, the taste in senku ishigami’s mouth was bitter and his anger was the one and only thing that seemed to carry him across the sidewalk.

senku wasn’t the type to get angry much. in fact, opposition and challenge were the two things that motivated him the most in his tiny little life. being faced with an unknown and fucking it over until he solves it is almost euphoric for him; it’s the reason he’s a chem major and proud of it. but math is logical. everything in science has an answer, and even if he’s wrong about that, the trip to get there is what he loves most. he likes to work for the things he wants. he loves nothing more than to leave his mark and imbed his name into anything he creates.

then what the fuck is senku supposed to do when his ex-boyfriend texts him.

his ex isn’t a science equation or anything close to something senku likes to familiarize himself with. his ex is an entire person and people are far too complicated for senku. he did the feelings thing before: it ended terribly! more than anything, it was that senku tried something he hypothesized would be not a good thing for him and he came out of it badly just like he knew he would. senku blamed himself for it and the meathead that texted him knew that more than anything. he knew senku didn’t like to be reminded of it. but there he was saying its been awhile. senku would prefer if it kept on “being awhile” for a couple more years. one hundred at the least.

there seemed to be a hole in senku’s heart. and as the illogical words and memories made a mess of his mental state, the knowledge that senku was better on his own seemed to tighten around him like a noose, like dirty, metal chains. it scraped against that hole and made his angry steps sound just a bit sadder. it made him realize that feelings don’t have answers. and also that they don’t give a shit. that senku shouldn’t give a shit.

with a heavy sigh and a body shrouded in coldness, senku had reached his dorm building and swiped himself inside, forgetting the soft, still air of the cloudless night and leaving the unnecessary things in his head with the breeze that came from the sliding of the electronic doors.

but he stopped for a moment, and delicately turned his head to look outside.

he still wished it would rain.

1.1

somewhere else, but close

“NO shut the fuck up tigress was not a fucking lesbian!”

“YOU shut the fuck up! what kind of self-respecting, sexy tiger ninja with nice arms wouldn’t be a woman lover?”

“why are you complimenting an animated tiger’s arms so vehemently?” it was at this point in the conversation when tsukasa finally decided he would speak up and join the harmless argument between his two close, very obviously drunk friends. the moment his sentence reached ryuusui’s ears and then pierced through the thick, disastrous aura of raw drunkenness, ryuusui dramatically released a gasp and frowned pointedly at tsukasa.

“why don’t you support me!” he pouted as he stumbled slightly, his blonde bangs swinging delicately in front of his downturned, puppy-like brows. tsukasa sighed with a delighted smile. there was no way he could yell at the boy for more than a second, not when he was in drunk, lovable blonde mode.

“i never said i didn’t support you-”

“oh so fuck me then?” the other one, hyoga, interrupted with a layer of playful sass in his voice. the white-haired boy had himself together far more than the blonde did, as he was able to stand and speak clearly and efficiently. there was an obvious difference between their alcohol tolerance, but tsukasa’s sure hyoga and ryuusui, or anyone else for that matter, could see that for themselves.

tsukasa, not drunk, was enjoying himself, “i will not be fucking anyone,”

“BUMMER!” ryuusui yelled just one decibel short of too damn loud, “i wore my whore shorts just for you,” he giggled as he scurried over and sat down next to tsukasa on the couch. he sat down way too close. he was leaning on his shoulder and he smelled exactly like fireball on acid, but it was ryuusui. so it didn’t matter to tsukasa too much when ryuusui’s leg sprawled over his or that he was being a bit too noisy. the sporadic funk of him was charismatic and tsukasa for the life of him couldn’t figure out why.

hyoga sat on tsukasa’s free side, calmly and with a safe couple of centimeters between their thighs, “ryuusui you took them off 15 minutes ago when i poured beer on you.” tsukasa grinned at the recent memory as his vision shifted to the jeans ryuu had on. 

it took him a minute, but once ryuusui realized he was not wearing shorts anymore and remembered the memory the other boy was talking about, a smile split across his face, “bro fuck you haha,” he mused, “now my chances of getting with tsukasa are only 84%”

hyoga squinted his eyes and cocked his head towards ryuu, “what were they before?”

“100 with my whore shorts you douchefuck!” 

hyoga allowed a couple of sprites of laughter to escape his mouth, not wanting to give his friend the satisfaction of making him laugh but not being able to deny the humor that that sentence relayed.

“let me ask you this dog,” ryuu spoke up again, the tone of his voice and the implication of a question coming scaring tsukasa. there was no way it was going to be intelligent. even sober, ryuusui was good at being nothing less than confident. the alcohol taking over his body did nothing to his unshakeable confidence. knowing that ryuusui was an idiot, tsukasa knew there was nothing he could do to prepare for anything ryuu said. sober or drunk.

“would you fuck diego from them ice age movies?” and there it was.

“the lion fucker?” hyoga asked, genuinely interested in ryuusui’s inquiry.

“sabertooth.” tsukasa commented quietly.

hyoga, after a genuine moment of thought, “i would not. i am not attracted to men.”

ryuu scoffed, “he is not a man he is a lion.”

“sabertooth.”

tsukasa was again ignored as hyoga adopted an offended look on his face, “i don’t care if he’s a lion ryuu,”

“he’s a sabertooth-”

“i do not want to fuck a man!” hyoga said, seriously arguing with ryuusui a second time about fictional, animated animals.

“hyo you knoooooooow you wanna get with mozu so stop playing right now and say you wanna fuck the lion,” tsukasa chose to remain silent on the matter of whether or not diego was a sabertooth or a lion.

“i do not want to get with mozu! who the fuck told you i made out with mozu?” hyoga was an intelligent man, but it was at times like these when a drunk, disoriented ryuusui could outsmart the other in a seemingly inarticulate conversation. but somewhere in ryuu’s brain he was searching for hyoga to slip up and say something like that, even if he wasn’t actually thinking about anything. which he most definitely wasn’t.

“SO YOU DID KISS HIM!”

“FUCK.”

despite the scene unfolding in front of him, tsukasa felt subtle, constant vibrations from the phone laying safely in the pocket of his hoodie, and pulled it out.

**_Incoming Call:_ **   
**_homura_ **

tsukasa easily lifted himself from the couch and from the two boys barking at each other incoherently as if they were actual hounds and escaped away down the hallway. the relief from the yelling and the music he didn’t even realize was playing was a gentle pleasure for the boy as he raised his phone to his ear.

“you’re ready?” he answered shortly.

the woman on the opposite end of the line chuckled softly, “can’t you answer the phone nicely one of these days? maybe start with ‘hello homura! how are you?’ why is it always straight to the point?”

tsukasa didn’t have much to say to that, “... i _was_ being nice,” wasn’t he? all he wanted to know was if she was ready and he didn’t realize there was an etiquette to answering the phone.

“no, you’re too serious,” homura replied with a huff, “and methodical. like a machine.”

with a flicker of his brow that homura couldn’t see, tsukasa shifted around by himself in the hallway confusedly, “are those bad things?”

“no.” she said simply. when she didn’t say anything else after a few seconds, tsukasa took the phone away from his cheek to make sure the call didn’t drop. it hadn’t. the confusion on his face deepened.

“... well… are you ready?” he asked again, hoping this second time he sounded warmer than before and… nicer.. as well.

“yeah pretty much,” the woman replied, sounding like she wasn’t paying attention as it seemed like she was moving around on her end, “tell mozu we’re good to go,”

as tsukasa gave her a small ‘okay’, she hung up the phone without another word and left the boy standing there for a while in that same bubble of unclearness that girl managed to procure. his hand dropped from his face and slid itself back into the soft lining of his hoodie, the soft maroon one with the thumb holes and the name of the martial arts club he trains at on it.

homura was a strange girl. granted, so were hyoga and ryuusui, but it was her that introduced herself to tsukasa the first day he met her and inducted him into her group. it was like tsukasa went through orientation in homura’s mind and she decided, in the end, to keep him around without ever telling him he was on trial. tsukasa didn’t do things to make friends. tsukasa didn’t talk to homura that first day expecting to have her crying on his shoulder four months later because of a sudden bond of trust they both didn’t realize was there. and he didn’t expect the next day for her to buy him lunch and apologize for having feelings as if it wasn’t normal to cry sometimes. it didn’t feel like a year ago when ryuusui puked on him for the first time or when he went to that frat party where hyoga got into a fight with two seniors and somehow a dog as well. it didn’t feel like time went by when he was with them. it was probably that feeling of the unattainable magic of youth that so many people chased and just weren’t fast enough to catch. tsukasa wasn’t sure, but he had the feeling that he had something like that. 

he had walked into the new world that was homura and hyoga and had gotten something he wasn’t looking for. but maybe that was it. maybe that’s what that magic was.

but he didn’t really need to know.

when tsukasa entered the living room and saw ryuusui laying on top on hyoga and hyoga not bothering to get him off, he knew ryuu had won _whatever_ it was they were doing when tsukasa left them by the dead, unamused look on hyo’s face.

while donning a delicate smile, tsukasa admired the two idiots before him, “homura said we’re good to leave,” the information he relayed onto them certainly seemed to please ryuusui as he shot up immediately and released a charismatic grin, ignoring the boy he just flung off of him through sheer excitement alone.

“LETS GO!” the blonde yelled as a quick hand swept through the messy bangs hovering over his eyes. ryuusui leaned down towards the moaning hyoga on the floor and offered him a gentlemanly hand to turn his position from laying on a dirty carpet to standing on the same aforementioned carpet; which would still be dirty, but then hyoga in the second scenario wouldn’t be laying on it. all three boys eventually got themselves out of their apartment with the only minor difficulty being ryuusui and his lack of ability to stay concentrated and managed to walk straight into the girls they were planning on meeting with: homura and minami.

minami was a pretty girl. and tsukasa wasn’t dumb. the moment minami’s eyes registered tsukasa’s making contact with hers, they shone with a hopeful, deliberate gleam that the man more than noticed; it was a gleam he tended to avoid. her smile was bright, way too bright that tsukasa had to hide his wince behind his own closed eye smile. every interaction he had with her was dangerous; it was a tip-toeing field of the girl’s soft fingertips catching the cloth surrounding his arm and tsukasa ignoring the beads of guilt inside him as he let her. tsukasa knew more than clearly that this woman was pining. this nice, more than intelligent woman was making clear physical and verbal signs that she was interested, and what was tsukasa doing? not being able to maintain or find any emotional reciprocation for it; for her.

her fingers made the indication of wanting to loop her arm with his, and his stomach twisted at the nervous feeling he felt. _this is wrong_ he knew and understood extremely well as his arm lifted from his side and minami pulled herself closer, a grin proudly performing on her lips. tsukasa refused the grimace that wanted to appear.

he focused his stare in front of him instead of on the quiet, gnawing feeling inside of him that begged him to tell people the truth despite the fact that he may hurt their feelings, and managed to catch the eye of a pink haired lady, who stared with the knowing look that she knew what tsukasa was thinking. because in truth, homura did know what tsukasa was thinking. and from the minimalist hint of a stink eye from her rosy eyes, tsukasa huffed as he lips drew a straight line. he would hear about this from her at the end of the night. and he would dislike it, but she would be saying the things he needed to hear.

“you good?” he heard the woman question from beside him, forgetting that he was not alone and that minami was intently paying attention to most of the things tsukasa was doing, because how could she not seeing as though she was right next to him.

tsukasa did not look at her, but could feel her looking at him as they descended through the hallway, “never been better, why do you ask?” he answered honestly. or at least, as honest as he would let himself believe. he did have one assignment due tonight and was making the conscious decision to go partying with his friends instead, but he believed that that decision would pay off more. a late fee was nothing compared to seeing ryuusui in his prime.

“you huffed like you were exhausted, is all,” minami commented, walking steadily, “i’m glad to hear that though. i’ve been worried about you,”

regret ripped through him like a gong echoing in a hollow temple, informing and reminding him that ignoring the problem would present nothing ideal in the slightest. it was not a foreign feeling and again, tsukasa knew he couldn’t escape it. “why were you worried about me?” the words he believed to be safe slipped out from his mind before he could think of anything else. he didn’t care to know the reason why she was so worried about him when he knew the answer. he should be cutting this conversation off short, yet the sentence he chose was exquisitely precise in leading minami on.

‘homura says you’ve been doing nothing but schoolwork. she said you had like three essays to finish last week,” she hummed each word with politeness and interest, “that’s fucking insane i could never,” her arm squeezed his delicately, an action meant to rely on unconscious flirting, but tsukasa was far too careful and over aware when it came to her. the action was not recognized by a man with an intention to get his dick wet, and it would not be received in the same manner.

“i didn’t mind it all that much,” tsukasa responded politely, his eyes never once gazing into minami’s despite the blonde woman’s clear focus on his, “i actually like writing.”

minami bestowed into the air around them a graceful, quiet laugh, “you’re telling me big man,” she quipped, leaning in closer as her laugh breached the atmosphere around them once again. tsukasa wondered how much longer he would keep acting like he was oblivious. he wondered as if that wasn’t up to him.

but he smiled at the comment she made, “we get it, you’re majoring in journalism,” he quipped right back at her with a friendly tone. it was a comment he would make to any of his friends and he didn’t see any harm in treating minami like he would treat the guys. but like the voice in the back of his conscious and the tightening of minami’s grip on his bicep keep saying, maybe he really shouldn’t.

“and minoring in communications,” her voice was playful. her actions were impressively coy and her intentions were sprawled out in front of them. it was almost like, or might have been _exactly_ like, she was eager for tsukasa to pick them up. and the only thing he did was stare.

he stared ahead of him and beyond the simple things that were right in front of him. maybe if he tried and manifested some kind of attempt of reciprocation for the easy thing that was clearly presenting itself in bright, obvious colors, then just maybe tsukasa would have an easier time there in college, a simpler time. but he didn’t want to. tsukasa doesn’t know what he wants and he doesn’t go out looking for an answer to any of what he doesn’t know. if things presented themselves to him then it would simply be that they tried. tsukasa was never looking for a girlfriend and his eyes weren’t open for one in the first place. it wasn’t something he wanted.

maybe that was his flaw. maybe it was his fault that he wasn’t passionate about other people’s interest and feelings in him. was it his fault? that he felt dull and unconnected? because it wasn’t minami’s. it wasn’t anyone’s. blame couldn’t be placed anywhere and it was that acknowledgeable, intangible idea that tsukasa hated so much.

what was it about this space right here that he resided in that made things feel so empty. that made him long for something that wasn’t anything he could think of. tsukasa wasn’t broken, not in the slightest.

but he was looking.

for a lustre. or a change.

1.2

sometimes people are scared of the rain, and of the storm

a loud bang erupted from the room that senku was approaching, signaling a rumble of unease fused with the unfortunate knowledge of his roommates from within senku’s body. the unease was not foreign to him, neither was the knowledge. if he got closer he would get pulled into something chaotic, at least that much was true. the green sneakers stopped for a moment. _if i enter that room now, there's a thousand percent chance chrome is going to scream at me about either a party or chemistry... maybe both._ the green sneakers and the body attached to them seemed to hum. _it would be a good distraction_ from the phone senku’s tired, scrawny hand held onto, _but it would be loud. it would be so very loud._ no matter what senku did next, the idea of forgetting about human interaction, which was the only thing trying to desperately cloud the boy’s mind at the moment, seemed euphoric. it seemed like the exact thing senku wanted--- _needed_ right now. and would he let himself indulge? would he let himself have this?

the door to chrome’s dorm room opening with a sudden crack answered those questions for him as the boy behind the loud noise and the loud bang emerged from the opening, smiling like no one’s business and staring directly at senku.

“YOU’RE LATE!” the boy no less than screamed at him despite being two feet away. his best friend should know by now how often senku stays late at the lab. senku only left when he did tonight because he was hungry. and as a response to chrome constantly forgetting he isn’t the only one living on his floor, senku flicked his forehead with the accuracy and power of a boy and a scientist who has done this to chrome more times than he generally should have.

“OW.”

“shut the fuck up you absolute fuckshit,” senku scolded, the tone in his voice familiar but always forgotten by the loud brunette, “you know you could have called me? that’s always been an option, have you forgotten that?” senku’s words glided out of his mouth with a layer of taunt as he walked past his friend into the room, throwing his backpack off his shoulders and next to a counter that ingloriously resided way too close to the entrance of chrome’s dorm.

“my phone is dead,” chrome somehow personified :( as he characteristically pouted, attempting to pull on the heartstrings that senku, who is a capricorn, simply didn’t possess.

senku’s eyes landed on the blonde woman who had been sitting in the room the whole time and his face fell flat, “kohaku is right there,” he spoke, his voice void of any emotion at this point.

“stop being mean to me bro i missed you,” chrome kept on pouting at senku, an action which the boy earnestly ignored as he made his way to the fridge with the intention of pouring himself a glass of water.

“kohaku has a perfectly intact phone you could have used. i heard it could even be used to, i don’t know what’s the name of it?” he feigned confusion as the water went from the pitcher to his cup, “oh yeah! call me!? did you know her phone can do that too?” senku took the initial sip from his glass after placing the pitcher down onto the counter softly, making sure to not slam it. clearly, from the sarcasm he had braved from the moment chrome opened the door, senku was in a bad mood. he had perfect faith in that chrome would not detect this slight, but as senku finally relinquished the cup from his mouth with a sound too close to a desperate gasp of breath for air, he could see the way kohaku was looking at him. those dangerous eyes could see through anything and senku knew that he was no exception; not in the slightest.

“what’s wrong.” she finally spoke, making the pout sitting on chrome’s face fade away millimeter by millimeter. if chrome would begin to hone in that, emotionally, something was off with senku, he wouldn’t hear the end of it. he would rather just keep scolding chrome and possibly pose the idea of drinking until they both passed out, but, here he was, letting the shit in his mind get to him. maybe senku hadn’t been too careful. from the way kohaku’s eyes shone he knew he hadn’t been, but he wasn’t in the mood to dive into his feelings. those were the last things he cared about. especially so since they were the reason he felt so.. unhinged, misshapen and why his tone came out a bit too mean, too sour, rather than playful. he sighed a bit too loud.

_It's been awhile Ishigami, ;)_

“can’t a boy be tired sometimes?” senku fought the grimace from his face as well as the inquisitive gleam kohaku was sporting, picking up his cup and making his way to sit next to the girl on the couch she currently was placed upon. as he sat down and made eye contact with the woman, he had hoped that his own eyes told the message that he wasn’t in the mood to be pestered about the things he felt, that he wouldn’t be for the next couple of hours, maybe the next couple of days. he would rather forget about it. he would rather ignore it altogether. it was the one thing he did best.

the hard stare softened. through the silence, kohaku breathed in quietly, and let the air go just the same. the girl was not the type to pry, especially not with a boy who mishandled his emotions as badly as senku did. it was more like, senku didn’t acknowledge his emotions at all. and when they got too much, sometimes senku didn’t know what to do with them.

kohaku was not the type to pry. she wouldn’t start being the type now.

the blonde bared a smile, “you better stop being tired,” she spoke, raising her phone and unlocking it as she did so, “because gen texted me like twenty minutes ago and was like-”

“ITS PARTY TIME!”

“jesus fucking christ chrome i’m going to beat your ass,” kohaku spoke without missing a beat. the woman didn’t look it but she genuinely possessed the skill set to knock chrome out easily. she’s broken his nose on a dare before. it wouldn’t be difficult to do it again, chrome knew that well. “i was just about to say before this fat bitch interrupted me,”

“i love you,”

“ _as i was saying,_ ”

“kohaku say it back!”

“that gen wants to go out tonight,” she spoke, staring at senku instead of the brown-haired boy making his signature frowny faces at her, “preferably the club that’s like, what, four or five blocks northeast?”

senku hummed as he put his glass down on the table in front of him and leaned back on the couch, his eyes closing, “i would love nothing more than to go out tonight,” which was true. senku desperately needed something to change his mood. he was starting to realize that his unrelenting thoughts and memories were becoming too much for him. clearly kohaku saw this as well.

“i know you would,” she even quipped quietly, smirking as senku opened his eyes to look at her, the two of them sharing a knowing sort of exchange while their adorable roommate continued to whine in front of them.

“ignoring me doesn’t even work! i only get poutier and more annoying,” chrome said, way too self-aware for his own good. chrome was one of the most intelligent students that went to their college and was at the top of his class in every way and knew what he was doing 90% of the time. he’s smart. he gets what he wants when he decides to work for it. but in the face of his cold hearted, strong willed, unreceptive to his charms friends, the chemist and the gorilla, he was just a boy and not much more than that. it was because he wanted attention and because kohaku and senku knew he wanted attention that they continued to ignore him. the boy would be too powerful if they fed into his ego. so they never did.

“when does he wanna go,” senku’s eyes shut themselves again, “because i think i’d kill to have like ten slices of pizza in my mouth right now.”

kohaku smiled softly, a mere image of laughter rising on her lips as she looked away from senku, “i’ll tell him we’ll be ready in a hour, not counting how long the pizza guy takes to get here,” she said as she stood from the couch and walked away, not wasting any time in calling their nearest pizza parlor and making her way to a quieter area, also known as a place away from chrome. senku felt a new dip in the couch where the blonde woman previously sat. inhaling and exhaling through his nose, the boy kept his eyes closed as chrome leaned against his shoulder. the warmth he radiated soothed something hidden down inside senku, which he struggled to keep down. 

“are you okay?” chrome asked, just barely above a whisper. his voice ghosted across his shoulder as he felt chrome try to pry his fingers around senku’s in that same friendly, loving way chrome always moved with; lived with.

senku’s hand remained motionless, unresponsive to the feeling, “i don’t need you to ask me these things chrome,” he said, his voice warm but his heart cold to any mention of what he was actually feeling, “you of all people should know i’m fine.”

chrome scoffed at the sentence, genuinely scoffed and said “of course you’re _fine_ but i’m asking you if you’re _okaaaay_.” senku sighed, annoyed almost. not at chrome, not at kohaku, but at how bad he was at letting his feelings get to him. senku deals with trial and error and failure and shortcomings all the time in science. he rarely gets mad when things don’t work out and has never been known or seen

for that matter to ever be authentically angry with someone. so when senku’s inner turmoil showed on his face this badly for chrome and kohaku to feel the need to try and cheer him up, as minute as they tried to make their actions seem, it made senku annoyed. 

“probably,” senku spoke, the word was sad and glistened in tones of gold and uncertainty, “you wouldn’t believe me if i said yes, would you?”

“not for a second,” chrome’s voice traveled with an air of playfulness with no disguise shielding senku from how pure chrome’s intentions were. he knew his friend would be here for him no matter what he did. and even if senku had done something wrong, chrome would never leave him behind. he would get mad and he would get angry, and he would tell senku his most honest opinion. in every situation, chrome was there and he wanted to be. and senku would always believe it.

he smirked and finally intertwined his hand with chrome’s, almost burning from the heat chrome’s smile was ejecting, “i completely trust that,” senku said, feeling the hole in himself grow warm, yet not small.

“are you gonna get absolutely wasted tonight?” chrome asked. when senku finally opened his eyes and stared into the dark, knowing brown of chrome’s, he knew he knew the answer.

“does the earth orbit around the sun at around 107,000 kilometers per hour?”

chrome simply blinked at him, “... you’re such a nerd.”

1.3

just like this, i dye with you

there was a buzz. in his veins and in his heart, all throughout his body, tsukasa could feel it. he couldn’t feel the inhibition or the foresight or the meticulation he was so commonly known for. there was a buzz and he could feel it carrying his body with every drink he took and every song he heard. he could feel the things he was in control of and the things he didn’t mind giving away. he was present. he was somewhere else. and at the same time, he was exactly where he needed to be.

or maybe he was just drunk.

but the room was on fire and tsukasa could do nothing but welcome it. he was in control of himself, yeah, that he definitely was. but there’s such a weird thing about alcohol that makes people so much more vulnerable and open; and tsukasa was not exempt from that. if anything he seemed to be leading that theory from the way he and homura were hyping up ryuusui as he danced on the floor in front of them. he was on the floor. and they were all convinced he was breakdancing. all of them.

one of the only reasons the group was so incredibly hyped was due to the fact that a section of the second story of the club was open, which was exceptionally rare, especially on a saturday night when the building was obviously over its patronage limit. mozu had seen the empty room the second they walked in and somehow through the wildest string of luck, it was not being rented.

and now here they were; going almost batshit crazy. and there was ryuu; spinning on the ground, also crazy. 

one side of the walls of the room was glass and overlooked the entire dancefloor and bar respectively. it was an insane sight that made it look like you could step off the ledge and just fall straight down into the sea of drunk adults. tsukasa stared at the glass and wondered how many people have run into it. he didn’t know why he was thinking about that. but he was.

hyoga leaned down into tsukasa’s ear, “twenty bucks says ryuusui is gonna be passed out against the glass by the end of the night,” he chuckled, his alcohol tolerance reaching his limit, “but like full view for the whole club to see,” the way hyoga thought he was so funny and the way tsukasa’s body was buzzing, he couldn’t help but laugh at what his friend was implying.

“you’re terrible,” tsukasa smiled, “i bet he’ll be naked,”

“yeah?”

“hell yeah.” the bet was confirmed and the two of them snickered as tsukasa couldn’t help but indulge hyoga in his antics, not with his pristine, intelligent ego washed away by tequila.

“alright, i’m getting more drinks. what does everyone want?” homura said, knowing she was the only one who could stand up straight and visibly looked the least intoxicated. if any of them trusted any one person to get their drinks back here without a spill missing, it was miss perfect coordination gymnast herself.

“i don’t want anything,” tsukasa announced, sitting down on a couch nearby. after a couple of moments, he realized that was incorrect. but he realized it too late when he saw ryuusui not spinning on the ground anymore and homura no longer in the room.

“wait yeah i do.” it felt like only a second had passed when tsukasa rose from the furniture and made a second correction announcement that he did in fact want something and left the relatively small sized party room. he had himself together more than he thought he did and walked down the hallway that led to the stairs that in turn led to the bottom floor of the club; the dance floor.

the music felt like it was bombarding tsukasa from every angle around him, like background noise and a speaker playing directly into his ear all at the same time. he didn’t mind it as much as he think he should’ve and thought about it for a moment too long, almost forgetting what he came down here for. as his memory came back to him, his fuzzy intuition decided to lead him straight into the dance floor in order to get to the bar, underestimating intensely how many people were actually in this building on this night. he maneuvered through the people, person by person and inch by inch, trying his best not to accidentally touch anyone that looked like they were having a good time or slip into people and make them uneasy; that was the last thing tsukasa wanted especially with his lack of intellectual thought at the moment.

but the moment tsukasa became too focused was the moment he felt a body hit him from behind, the last place he was expecting a person to come from surprisingly, and jolted forward. his hands made contact with the shoulders in front of him, simply only to hold himself up from being rocked to the floor.

“i’m sorry!!” the girl said, the one that bodied tsukasa without realizing, and put a hand on his back to signal to him physically that she genuinely was.

tsukasa turned to look at her, relieving his hands from the stranger with a simple grin on his face, “don’t worry about it, just be careful.” the woman walked away into the crowd with an apologetic smile on her face and tsukasa could only stare at the space she left, wondering why such a quick, strange encounter happened in the span of six seconds. then he turned around.

“you ever considered taking your own advice?”

tsukasa had never expected to stare into a pair of eyes that were as bright as the red that this man’s were, but here he was, breathless in the face of a boy who looked as if he were mildly annoyed. which, if tsukasa were to guess, he definitely was.

“your eyes are beautiful,” he didn’t know why he said it. he didn’t think that this was the thing this boy wanted to even hear from him. but fuck if his eyes weren’t pretty and tsukasa would be damned if he never said so out loud.

the eyebrows furrowed for a moment as the red eyes traveled the area of tsukasa’s face until they turned upward curiously, and then no longer were the eyes annoyed. with a look like he was thinking, the boy looked again up at tsukasa, “you think a compliment is gonna make me forget you didn’t just almost knock me over?” the boy’s voice was open and inviting, from the way his head tilted and his eyes narrowed, it lured tsukasa in like nothing else. and from the tone of his voice tsukasa could hear that this man was not angry with him. he sounded curious more than anything and tsukasa wouldn’t let himself not pick up on it.

“oh absolutely,” tsukasa said, the lift and playfulness of his voice sounding way too natural, he almost shocked himself, “and from the way i see it pretty boy, you don’t seem all that mad,” the boy looked like he couldn’t control the verbal ha that came out of him, letting it out into the air with ease as the boy smiled.

“you’re flattering me,” his voice was dangerous and his eyes had not broken from tsukasa’s, “if you keep spoiling me your charming words like this i don’t think i’ll be able to stay mad even if i wanted to,” the buzz in tsukasa’s body seemed to be fully charging him as this exchange with the pretty, dauntless stranger lingered on. there was something relentless about his stare that made tsukasa so unwilling to look away, to move on to what he had come down here to do. _which was what again?_

a small, cunning smirk found its way to tsukasa’s face, “that’s kinda the whole point,” he turned from the man and escaped out into an open area; his eyes now set on the long table that had many patronages coming and going. he had come down here to get a drink, and if he was lucky, the stranger would follow. he wasn’t lucky enough to get an open spot at the bar right when he arrived; he had assumed this much would be true. and he waited a second. and then one second more. the boy hadn’t followed.

yet when he turned around, he saw the red eyes from a good distance away being dragged onto the dance floor, and a single finger being held up; nonverbally, he could hear the boy telling him to _wait._

so, he will wait.

a spot behind him opened up, and he took the sudden chance to sit himself down and secure the stool he got at the bar. tsukasa stared ahead of him, again, waiting, and wondering what kind of situation he had just gotten himself into. he hadn’t come to this club looking to meet a boy with the oddest colored eyes he had ever seen, but he hadn’t come here with the intention of _not_ having a good time either. tsukasa didn’t always plan for things to go differently than how he perceived they would go and somehow was always surprised to find himself in circumstances that he didn’t see coming. all his life was was a circumstance he didn’t see coming; but that was beside the point. he was thinking too much into it when his mind should be drunk. nothing should be making his head reel at the moment besides the alcohol blistering throughout his veins and the blaring music clogging his thoughts.

with a glance over his shoulder, tsukasa could see the boy dancing with another of the same build who had bi-colored hair. the smile on his face was shining with the influence of liquor and lack of self restraint and it was doing nothing but consuming tsukasa. he was insanely pretty and it seemed to him like he knew it. his arms were draped over his friend’s shoulders; the action was flirty and he was moving to the music like his body was connected to it. it was mesmerizing, to say the least. almost like he looked like he felt it, the red eyes were suddenly connected with his with the smallest gleam of shock and a huge indicator like he was pleased. the fox-like grin that appeared made something heat inside tsukasa’s already pulsing body, from the way he broke the eye contact and moved closer to the body, the way he danced with the other boy, tsukasa almost laughed. he had come into possession of a sight all for him. he wasn’t sure yet if he deserved it.

“what’ll you have?” forgetting he was a hopeful patron sitting at a bar, he turned around in his seat as his face attempted to hide the surprise he felt from the sudden woman talking at him.

he looked away for a moment, cursing that the worst thing alcohol did to him was fuck up his memory, “uh, a grenadine and tonic is fine,” 

“i assume you want it alcoholic?” the woman asked, her tone of voice not in the slightest condescending.

“ye-”

“yes and the three layered tea, if you don’t mind?”

tsukasa couldn’t contain the smile from forming as he nodded at the bartender and watched her walk off to make his drink as well as-

“senku.”

tsukasa’s eyebrow quipped curiously as he turned to look at the boy who suddenly appeared next to him, his eyes landing on the same dauntless smile he saw before only closer now, “pardon?”

“my name is senku. i thought you would like to know that information,” the red eyes now had a name as tsukasa stared into them, seeing nothing but a devious glitter that tsukasa couldn’t help but be lured into.

tsukasa pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, “tsukasa shishio,”

for a moment a flicker of familiarity danced through his eyes, but it was gone the moment it came as senku’s smile grew a tiny bit wider, “you’re gonna have to work for the right to know my last name,” senku’s voice was nothing less than a taunt, “that’s something i don’t give out for free,” everything about this boy was daring tsukasa to come closer and whether it be because of the lack of critical thinking tsukasa acquired at the moment or the pitch of senku’s voice, but all of it was a battle that tsukasa was desperate to lose. 

tsukasa looked away for a moment, “you’re an excellent dancer,” more than just a compliment, it was a genuine observation and tsukasa felt no qualms about letting this boy know out loud, and indirectly, that tsukasa enjoyed the view.

from the quiet breath of air that left senku, tsukasa was sure his attraction was known for certain, “this is something i already know,” the confidence this man exuded was not baseless nor unattractive. it was the way senku carried himself that had tsukasa’s eyes on him again and the way senku stared back like he knew his worth; tsukasa was already gone. senku’s head dipped for a moment as he smiled. the boy physically looked very drunk by any means; almost like he was just barely keeping himself together. but he glanced at tsukasa again, studying him.

he smiled, “i feel like i know you .. or like.. recognize you,” senku said as the roses in his eyes ventured his face again, taking too long when they got to tsukasa’s lips.

“i don’t think we know each other,” tsukasa declared, because as far as his drunken memory could remember, he had never seen this boy before in his entire life. that’s at least what the liquor was saying.

“good,” senku smiled, affirming in his head that tsukasa was just another random stranger, “since we don’t know each other, you can pay for my drink.” tsukasa’s face scrunched up, the laugh and confusion getting stuck on his face at the same time.

“i don’t understand your logic behind that,” he said, staring at senku with a clearly puzzled countenance. 

like he was waiting for it, the sly smile returned, “it’s because,” senku started to speak, his voice low as stepped onto a bar on tsukasa’s stool and raised himself to be no less than a centimeter away from the other’s face, grinning way too deviously at the sound of tsukasa sucking in a breath, basking in his success almost, “i’m pretty and i want you to buy my drink,”

there was no way tsukasa could disagree with that. senku was beautiful and tsukasa was nothing but a lamb that walked right into his trap. it only confirmed what tsukasa had already assumed: that senku’s confidence did not lack knowledge and that his confidence was dangerous. that his breath quietly intermingling with his and the small, almost insignificant beads of sweat apparent, ready to dive down his nose were absolutely infiltrating tsukasa’s senses. tsukasa felt _surrounded_ and he didn’t have the right mind to back away from this, not when senku was putting himself out so openly for the taking in front of him. not when he looked this good and not when tsukasa didn’t feel like fighting his common sense.

he didn’t know what it was, be it the way senku’s fragrance was strangely pleasant, familiar, or the way senku’s eyelids faltered, there was something tsukasa felt in the air. but maybe he was drunk. maybe senku was about to be a one night stand and tsukasa’s brain would move on and let him forget about it, let him go back to his apartment and find another thing to focus on. but that wasn’t it. tsukasa, softly, unknowingly, nudged his nose against the one in front of him and when senku looked up from his dead stare on his lips; he looked sober for a moment.

and he looked sad.

“your tea and tonic, sirs,” unfazed, the bartender put their drinks down and walked to another portion of the bar, ripping senku’s eyes away and towards the glasses that were in front of them. if tsukasa wanted to ask, he could have. if he wanted to know more, he would find out. but maybe, at the moment, senku didn’t actually realize the image his eyes just gave. instead tsukasa reached for the three layered tea and drank from it before the complaint could even form in the other boy’s mouth.

when he looked at him again, the drunken gloss had returned to the crimson irises, as did the coy grin, “i’m gonna assume you aren’t aware that you took the wrong drink,”

tsukasa finished the sip, placing the drink back down onto the bar with a lovely smile, “can’t take the wrong drink when they’re both mine,” his voice and his words danced in the air and senku was more than receptive to them, laughing again as his hand reached for the same glass tsukasa had just relieved. 

“good one,” senku nearly whispered as he drank from his cup, his eyes closing at the simple, uncomplicated taste of the refreshment, “do you live nearby?” the boy braved, setting the drink down; the grin on his face clear and explicit with his intentions. it made tsukasa fight off a smile.

“close enough,” he responded, finally taking the initial sip from his drink. 

the attractive danger that shone in his eyes was nothing less than alluring to tsukasa as senku tilted his head, staring straight at him and only him, “then how about this,” his voice was light and indescribably inviting as his finger found its way to one of tsukasa’s lonely belt buckles, latching on and pulling his own body way too close for the second time, “i’ll pay for the uber,” his voice was right next to his ear, “and you can fuck me,” although he spoke barely above a whisper, the words and the smile on his face were deafening as they entered tsukasa’s mind. the air amidst them was filling with a poisonous silence that made tsukasa forget he should respond and it wasn’t until he felt a finger on his chin turning his head that his mind was able to focus.

the red eyes bore into his own as the slim finger slowly pulled itself down his jaw, “does that deal interest you?” his voice had a commanding, playful tint that was unconditionally blinding tsukasa in the best ways possible and there was no way, no reason he could think of at the moment that made him want to change that.

unabashedly, delicately, tsukasa kissed the lips that were sitting patiently in front of him. they were soft, comfortably warm, and as slowly as he could, he kissed them; but only for senku to smile, leaving his lips closed. the finger that lay on his jaw soon turned into a hand that cupped his cheek. tsukasa’s eyes opened only to again find that senku’s were closed.

senku brought his face back to the ear he seemed to like so much, “meet me outside,”

and just like that, tsukasa could only stare as he watched the boy slip away and wander back into the crowd that tsukasa had found him in.

he was teasing him. gloriously and without shame, tsukasa was being toyed with; his mind and senses were being tampered with by a stranger, by a boy that seemed to know he outsmarted tsukasa. slowly, no matter how begrudgingly, tsukasa would figure him out. he would snap out of the initial phasing and alluring scent of senku long enough not to be dragged along like an oblivious puppy. he would make senku work for it as well, or work for something at least. because at the moment tsukasa was still reeling from the experience that is the boy senku and he should snap out of it before his memory makes him foggy again. except that implies that tsukasa has the ability to forget him, which he knows now, and will know for awhile should not be possible.

after paying for a drink he barely got to enjoy, tsukasa managed to get himself back upstairs and into the room that his friends were in, drinkless of course and trying to figure out how he was going to explain he was leaving with a boy without ryuusui freaking out and minami looking sad about it. he didn’t think that possibility existed, not in this timeline from the way ryuu had already begun to shout the moment tsukasa opened the door.

shockingly, yet not all that surprising at the same time, ryuusui had his face plastered against the glass wall, “‘KASA MY MAN,” _dear god_ , “BRO i feel like i’m flying,” it was at this point that the blonde was confirmed out of his mind and black out drunk. tsukasa looked down at his body to see that he wasn’t wearing a shirt and walked over next to hyoga who was leaning against the back of the couch with a lazy film over his eyes.

“you know he’s like, technically halfway naked,” tsukasa attempted to bargain in reference to the bet the two of them had made earlier in the night. but he knew hyoga wasn’t one to give him a half-fledged win. it was all or nothing.

“bruh does he look completely naked to you?” hyoga spoke, his alcohol limit clearly having been succeeded at this point, “you owe me $20.”

he gave him a gentle smile, “i’ll pay you tomorrow,”

“nah son, you gotta pay now,” hyoga almost moaned, leaning his head back as he spoke his words to the ceiling. in his state, hyo couldn’t do anything to stop tsukasa from leaving without paying up which proved to be true when tsukasa walked away from him to talk to mozu, their designated driver.

“hey-”

“hello my long haired brother,” the cunning man spoke upon being greeted despite tsukasa wanting to finish an entire sentence, not just address him.

it made him pause for a moment, “i’m uh, i’m going to leave here with,” he hesitated again, unfortunately aware that minami was intently staring at him,, “with uh, a boy i met so don’t worry about me later. you can leave without me,”

“hey? you gettin’ some ass?” the comment was unnecessary, maybe not to the garish man that mozu had clearly shown himself to be, but to the woman sitting very close to them who mozu and most of the group knew had a crush on tsukasa, it was not something she had to hear.

but there was nothing tsukasa could do about it now as he simply left the room without catching anyone else’s eyes, _especially_ homura's. his legs carried him out of the room and down the stairs and through the dancefloor faster than he thought was possible for himself, yet he was doing it regardless, surprising himself with how much want he had for the boy that was waiting for him, for the boy he was waiting for. when he got the the door that led to the outside, to senku, he pushed it open way too eagerly, scaring the bouncer with how hard he made contact with it and liberated himself from the club. he was met with a dark, lunar sky. and when his head turned,

two red moons.

“isn’t the sky the prettiest when the moon is full?” senku, leaning against the wall of the building, looked away from tsukasa and up at the planetoid in the sky, “after tonight we’re gonna be in the waxing phase, and then she’s gonna be gone,” his words were laced with an emotion tsukasa couldn’t figure out as he stared at the boy while he stared at the sky, “soon the night will be led by a shadow,”

he closed his eyes and let out a quiet sigh, “how dramatic,”

when senku found tsukasa’s face again, the demeanor ceased its somber melody and was replaced with a smirk, “are you gonna keep standing that far away or what?” he asked, “i don’t smell bad, do i?” _god if that weren't farthest from the truth._

tsukasa, dumbstruck for a moment staring at senku, began to stretch his arms out and walk over to the boy against the wall, “i guess i’ll join you over there then?” the way his words rolled out of him felt way too pure, too instinctive for tsukasa to not notice. there was something way too natural about the way his hand captured senku’s waist and wrapped around it, feeling like it belonged there way too comfortably. one of senku’s hands grabbed the top of tsukasa’s shirt, the area just below where his skin lay unperturbed, and yanked it toward him. it hurt almost, the sudden pull downwards that senku had forced upon tsukasa. but the way senku delicately hooked onto the front of tsukasa’s pants and pulled himself closer all the while staring at him with eyes that said way more than he ever needed to outloud, the pain almost didn’t mean a single thing.

tsukasa kissed him, softly, but not without pressure and the feeling that he wanted this, wanted the boy that was clutching to his shirt. senku smiled again, knowing fully well just how much power he had despite his small physique and opened his mouth this time. he was pulling against tsukasa’s shirt as both their grips tightened and their lips moved together, softly, but not without a reckless, fragile sense of desperation. tsukasa could feel it from the whimper senku tried to hide as his hand moved from the shirt to over tsukasa’s shoulder, but not without passing tenderly through the long hair that seemed to encapsulate the shorter boy. both hands were on the narrow, slim curve that was senku’s torso, the one that was pressed against him and moving so subtly, so deliberately. it was the way that senku slowly brought his other hand up from the buckle to his abdomen that made tsukasa chuckle into the kiss and back him up deeper into the wall. senku let the whine out freely this time, his right hand meeting the other around tsukasa’s neck as he stood on his toes trying to press harder into tsukasa’s mouth. tsukasa hadn’t realized until this moment how much shorter senku was than him, but if what senku wanted was for tsukasa to meet him down where he was comfortable, he would have to work just a bit harder for it.

so tsukasa leaned back just enough to stare down at the boy who was panting a little harder than tsukasa would have expected. the eyes that were looking back at him were dilated, yet calculating, like senku was studying his face and analyzing it for whatever it was that he seemed to be looking for. softly, senku let his heels touch the ground again as his wrists just barely sat above his shoulders and their torsos gained a centimeter of distance between each other. tsukasa smiled as he stared down at him, to which senku squinted accusingly.

“what.” he seemed to know what tsukasa was going to say next.

and tsukasa didn’t mind that, “you’re shorter than i thought you were,” the way his tone was drenched in provocation and deliberateness , tsukasa could distinctly read the response forming on senku’s facial features.

“you should pay more attention to things that are that obvious,” the boy’s finger began to twirl around a strand of tsukasa’s hair, pulling softly in a way that seemed so politely delicate. but tsukasa felt the feeling deep inside him and dipped his head down once again, his lips brushing softly against the boy’s cheek. he could feel the way senku leaned into it, wanting tsukasa to press just a bit harder, to hold his waist just a bit stronger. but the way he turned his face away even more meant only to tsukasa that senku was willing to to play, to tease. 

so when senku finally let their eyes meet again and their lips come so close to touching again, he pulled himself away from tsukasa's body with a deviation of a grin close to the devil’s. he walked away with his hand threading cordially through the long, dark hair that tsukasa had come to honor through years of actively refusing to cut it. the boy’s touch was soft; he held the strands like they would break with any amount of force, stared at them the same way he saw the boy staring at the moon.

he looked like he was about to say something when he looked up at tsukasa, until something approaching them from behind stole his attention and the delicate air disappeared. tsukasa turned and watched as their uber pulled up to the curb and moved up towards it, his hair gliding wistfully out of senku’s palm as he opened the door for the boy, clearly indicating he was offering him to go in first. with a deceitful little smile, senku politely grazed tsukasa’s clothed arm, even squeezing it before he bent over into the car. he seemed to enter the vehicle while extremely aware of tsukasa’s gaze on him and lifted his shirt exceedingly unnecessarily as he went to grab his seatbelt. tsukasa could almost not forgive senku for the way he teased his body, the way he put himself on display in front of a boy who was clearly interested and watching. something about the way senku asked a question to make sure they were in the right car as tsukasa sat next to him and stretched, looking as nonchalant as they come but at the same time arching off the leather seat farther than he needed to; everything was intensely demanding tsukasa’s attention, and senku seemed to know that.

there is nothing more arousing in this simple, mere existence than the tension in another’s eyes at the unavoidable discovery of distance. the inches between the two of them and the attraction brewing in the air made tsukasa impatient; it made him restless. there was nothing more stimulating than the separation between their bodies, and senku seemed to understand that way too well as his chin rested on his palm while he stared out the window as the car pulled off and into the sunken dark of the night, smiling at the fact that tsukasa was writhing next to him, barely holding off the desperate from his face due to being devoid of touch, of senku’s touch. the space between them was barren save the blistering, unbearable threshold between them that neither would cross. this was most likely all going exactly the way senku wanted it to from the way his shirt just barely fit him and rode up on his torso to the pants that highlighted exactly what senku wanted others to see. everything he did was a test, not just for himself but for others.

tsukasa felt almost thirsty, but he didn’t feel like he was losing. if it was a game that senku wanted to promote then by all means he would let him. but at the end of the day they were going to tsukasa’s apartment because senku had considered tsukasa to be attractive, he was smart enough to realize this simple fact. and it is because of this why he would let himself fall into senku’s tiny body and his carnal game. in no way was he at a deficit. so tsukasa waited, buzzing almost when he noticed how close they were getting to his apartment. he looked over at the boy next to him, catching his eyes and the fleeting vision of a smile as senku broke the contact. his other hand sat elegantly on his thigh, his palm facing down. tsukasa wanted nothing more than to cross the gap and capture the leg, the body that sat so near to him. he wanted nothing more than to grab him where senku clearly wanted him, to bite or to hold, bruise the skin and then some. but the lights from the street lamps as they reflected off the windows of the sudan was a reminder almost too subtle that the two were not alone.

but the sight of his place of residence suddenly in front of him was a sight he was too eager to see. he couldn’t thank the driver enough for the hasty arrival and exited the car, holding the door for senku to leave the same way he held it for him to enter. almost expectedly, senku took his sweet time unbuckling the seatbelt and moving out of the car, moving as slowly as he could, almost knowing just how desperate tsukasa was to touch him. tsukasa couldn’t hold the desire in well enough and nor did he want to. he watched as those dark red eyes bore into his own, enchanting him almost as he closed the car door. they were watching him, observing him as senku intertwined his hand through tsukasa’s. his hand was cold, but tsukasa expected them to be, knew them to be so. he had felt them on his face in the club where everything was hot and everyone was sweating too close to each other; tsukasa had felt it even then. he wanted to feel them even more now.

once inside, they both noticed the elevator sitting at the top floor. it was like everything was working in senku’s favor, but tsukasa didn’t know if he hated it. he was pretty sure he didn’t hate the way senku inched closer to him and softly wrapped his free hand around his arm again, openly and obviously tracing across his bicep. he almost did as he felt the excruciating pain of time as it ticked away in front of him, knowing all he could do was wait. his arms wrapped around senku, bringing him in closer to his body. his hand softly trailed down the curve of senku’s spine as he pressed the body into his chest. _fuck he smells good._ tsukasa bent his head, his nose pressed against senku’s neck. he could hear senku in his ear as he kissed the skin softly, not daring to miss the halt of his breath at the feeling of his lips on him. he smiled as he kissed the boy a second time, feeling him squeeze his arm as the elevator dinged. senku tore himself away and dragged tsukasa almost violently into the suspended room. 

tsukasa definitely pushed senku into the wall way too hard. he almost apologized if not for the quiet whine senku made. he no longer found himself able to hold back, and from the looks of it, senku didn’t want him to. tsukasa kissed senku the way he had been wanting to. he grabbed the boy’s thighs as the elevator doors closed and lifted him up to explore his mouth better. the boy was lighter than tsukasa had expected him to be, but sounded just right. senku was moaning, his voice light and airy and _needy_. he was kissing tsukasa back with the same amount of force. neither of them were taking the breathes they needed to. neither of them wanted anything less than what they were getting; if anything, it seemed like they both wanted more.

tsukasa broke apart only to click the button for the fifth floor, but two cold hands met the cheeks on his blushed face and brought them back to the pair of already puffy lips that had wanted him to return. his hands were holding the boy by the upper part of his thighs, squeezing them harder than he needed to, but squeezing them the strength he wanted to. they both seemed needy, so necessary to be close to each other, to find a way to be closer that the lack of distance between them felt like they were too far from each other. tsukasa pressed against the boy on the elevator wall and felt nothing but reciprocation. he couldn’t breathe. but he didn’t want to if senku’s hot, needy breath would leave in place of oxygen.

tsukasa carried the boy out of the elevator the second it signaled they reached his floor. he held the boy by his thighs as he nearly ran to his door. it was insane the way his body and mind were putting this boy at such a priority, but it was too feeble a thought to even care about as senku kissed his jaw while tsukasa unlocked his front door with the speed he never thought himself capable of. his body felt like it was on a high when he slammed the door shut with a simple kick and his lips met senku’s again. the boy in his arms seemed to be breathing way too heavily for someone who hasn’t been carrying another for at least five minutes. but the comment again got lost in his brain as he threw the keys down and moved through the apartment.

his hand found itself underneath senku’s ass, holding all of the boy’s weight with one hand as he slid his bedroom door open. as both actions were done with extreme ease, he genuinely surprised himself a bit. as carefully and yet as carelessly as he could manage, he dropped the blonde boy onto the bed and followed him down eagerly. he kissed the soft, warm neck of the boy below him, savoring the taste the way he had been all night.

until he felt senku lay his hand on his cheek and push him off. confused, tsukasa placed his hands down on the mattress and held himself up over the boy, concern and a surprising sense of worry filling his senses when he saw the blonde squinting up at him.

the hand hadn’t left his cheek as senku struggled to open his eyes, “you’re pretty,” he mumbled, caressing tsukasa’s face, “even when you’re all fuzzy ha ha,”

the hand dropped from his face, “yo, senku…” 

“yup. vision out,” with a peace sign to cosign his final words with, senku’s eyes accepted to lose the battle of staying open and finally closed along with his lucid, clear mind. now all tsukasa could do was stare at the boy he was just making out with two minutes ago now suddenly passed out on his bed. if it weren’t for the sloppy, ragged breaths still coming from senku’s lungs, tsukasa would’ve thought it best to check his pulse. quite honestly he was glad it didn’t have to come to that.

he stood up from the bed, still not retracting his eyes from drunk twink laying there out of pure delighted misbelief. senku did seem to be intoxicated, but tsukasa didn’t realize he had passed a reasonable point of consumption far before the two had even locked eyes.

he almost laughed.

1.4

changing everyday, like the moon

the sound senku had least expected to wake up to sounded like it had been going off for at least a minute by the time it registered inside his head that it was attempting to wake him up. grumpily, and with an incredibly unattractive snortle coming from his throat, senku opened his eyes only to find an unfamiliar ceiling staring back at him. it was black. it had hit senku at that moment that he had never seen a black ceiling before. it felt weird. the ringtone was still going off; the default iphone alarm that senku had grown to absolutely despise throughout his entire academic career. the one that most people his age genuinely cannot stand. and yet, it was playing. 

it was at that moment when senku remembered he was not in his own dorm.

he sat up suddenly, staring at a pair of foreign shoji sliding doors, that were respectively black and white, then down at the bed he was sitting on. the bed was long and expanded generously on both sides of him, almost as if it was, a california king. _where the **fuck** am i?_

his brain had reached its limit as senku rolled a couple times over and picked up the phone, stopping the deafeningly atrocious ballad and noticing again that yet another thing was strange: this was not his phone. it made sense. senku would never subject himself to the default iphone alarm ever again in his life. but it only posed that same something else that concerned him ever so slightly: where the fuck was he?

it wasn’t an alien concept for senku to wake up in other people’s houses. it was common, really, for him to be in strange apartments that were not his own, but at the very least he usually remembered how he got there. senku hasn’t blacked out in awhile. genuinely, he didn’t think he drank that much last night either. was he aware that he has a limit when it comes to alcohol and that he purposefully ignored that limit last night in order to disregard his emotions? of course he was. but as he looked down at the unfamiliar shirt he was wearing and how there was nothing in his memory that gave him even a hint as to how he fell asleep in it, he started to remember why it’s a good idea to be responsible when you drink. but if the diffusion of coffee through the small crack between the sliding door and the wall wasn’t an obvious factor, senku had a feeling he had not ended himself up somewhere dangerous. the black ceiling and the matching doors gave off the vibe that he wasn’t.

he had even successfully gotten rid of all the negative content his brain had locked onto from last night. if he dared to say it, senku was over it. everything had been packed and placed back neatly into the corner of his mind from whence the memories came. and it would stay that way so long as he did not get a second text message. senku delicately pushed his body so his legs were now hanging off the bed. as they connected with the ground, the large cloth that seemed to drown his small body now draped around him as if it were the soft branches of a willow tree. and it was then that a faint memory came back to him; one of long hair and a feeling of being guarded. at most it was fleeting, and away it went as senku stood up, taking note of the thin, cool feeling of the material of the shirt. he dared to think that he liked it. there was a dull ringing in his head, but it didn’t make him foggy. nothing at the moment was. he gently connected with the door and slid it to the left. it made no sound as senku grinned and stepped through the threshold and only then noticed that the lights were off in the bedroom and how the rest of the apartment he just now realized he was in was fully lit.

senku ignored the fully furnished apartment when he noticed a boy, who was visibly much bigger than him. it began to explain the shirt he was wearing and maybe a little portion of what senku did last night. just a little. his back was to him as he sat atop a stool, taking a sip of coffee and looking like he was eating. he was not wearing a shirt, but from the broad shoulders and large, extremely defined muscles lining his back, senku couldn’t help but assume he was wearing an article of clothing that belonged to that man. a sudden surge of pride and confidence lingered throughout his body as he left where he was standing and walked over and around the boy, leaning over the short side of the island. the man looked up from his plate and down senku’s body, not helping the pride already present in his veins.

“does this shirt belong to you?” senku asked, watching as the boy’s eyes returned to his.

a small smile appeared on his face, “it does,” with his fork, the long-haired man took a bite of his eggs, properly finishing his bite before speaking again, “i apologize. it didn’t seem like any of my shorts would fit,” he said, referring to the knowledge that senku had not been gifted any lower garments while he was unconscious and was left pantless besides his own boxers from the night previous.

senku leaned in further on the countertop, deliberately getting closer, “so you left me passed out on your bed naked?” the claim had no real basis behind it, senku simply just wanted to say it. he wanted to gauge just what level of interested this guy was in him. it was spoken simply to jog his brain of the memory of him, of what he thought and felt about senku. knowledge was knowledge no matter how senku looked at it. he believed his charisma was unmatched, undeniable, and downright almost untamed in the face of men who were attracted to him. it wasn’t selfish, he just wanted to make sure instead of making assumptions.

but from the way this man laughed, a spark of curiosity almost dared to douse that flame, “you never were naked on my bed.”

senku let his confusion show on his face just slightly as he furrowed his eyebrows, “my dick was never exposed?” he asked, almost completely serious, “my ass never came into your line of sight?”

the large, intimidating man let out a contrastingly delicate snortle at his words, “you passed out yes,” he said, ignoring the vulgarity, “but you were never naked,” he declared, taking a quiet sip of his coffee, “you didn’t make it that far.” senku’s brows were still downturned as the pieces slowly began to connect inside his mind.

“we didn’t have sex?”

“no.”

“… why not?”

“because you passed out?”

they’re silent for a moment.

“… do you… wanna?”

he let out that same delicate, airy, dare he say _pretty_ laugh, “i have class in 30 minutes,”

senku relaxed his brow and smiled, the surprise had dissipated and the cunning nerve of his had started to find its way home, “so does that mean no?”

his fork hit his plate again as for a second time the words he deployed were seemingly ignored, “i’ll drive you home if you get dressed within five minutes. if not i’ll kick you out without a ride.” without an immediate reply, the boy quietly huffed and continued with his meal. he was practical, that much senku could tell. he wasn’t detached completely, but there was a distance there that he was enforcing. for what reason senku couldn’t imagine. he wasn’t letting himself get carried away despite senku giving him the means to; both of his feet were on the ground and he seemed damned to keep them there. senku smiled.

senku then pushed off the countertop and sauntered around the boy onto the stool next to him, never once taking his eyes away, “no offense,” he spoke, admiring his side profile as he sat down, “but i forgot your name,” this certainly was true. the entire time senku had been talking, his memory would not relinquish his name to him.

he grinned, “tsukasa,”

tsukasa looked over at him finally, finding senku to already be staring. his eyes flickered with a fraction of surprise at the possible intensity senku knew he was exuding, but he didn’t look away. he wasn’t intimidated nor very flustered. senku smiled again, knowingly.

the silence that fell upon them was soft, comfortable as senku spoke up again, his voice a bit quieter, “you let me sleep in,”

tsukasa’s eyes shifted away towards his drink, “i go for a run every morning at 5:30,” his voice had gotten agreeably quieter as well, “i would never force anyone to be awake that early.”

senku tilted his head, “even though you went partying last night?”

“no days off,” he responded immediately, “i don’t look this good with no effort.” the sureness of his statement almost made senku laugh; but the man seemed serious, so he hummed, indiscriminately agreeing but yet not too verbally. senku eye’s dropped to the plate in front of tsukasa. there were two small pieces of toast pushed to the edge alongside some strawberries, presumably left untouched considering how many blueberries were left in comparison; which was one. _why would he even put them on his plate if he's not going to eat them?_

“can i have some toast?” senku asked, still staring at the food tsukasa was ignoring. 

then suddenly the platter was pushed in front of him, “you can have the rest,” senku’s eyes were wide as he stared down at the assortment of carbs and fruits now abruptly in front of him, not expecting to receive the leftovers or even a piece of the toast he asked for in the first place.

“do you want coffee?” was the next question presented in the air. senku tore his eyes away from the strawberries he for no reason was so concerned with and glanced up at tsukasa, who was already looking back at him. senku was confused. if tsukasa did not feel the urge or desire to fuck senku, regardless of the time, then that was completely fine. what senku didn’t understand was why this man cared enough to not throw senku out when he woke up at 5 am or why he’s offering him food and drink.

senku squinted at him, “you’re way too nice for someone who didn’t even get to fuck,” because he is. senku isn’t used to boys being this nice even if he had actually had sex with them. so for tsukasa to act like he was and not get much back from it besides some simple, early morning banter made the boy suspicious. was it performative? was there an underlying reason to his actions? senku couldn’t help but wonder about what exactly it was that was going on that tsukasa could gain from.

but again, the leery, doubtful flame inside him was doused by that same delicate laugh, “being nice has to have an explanation?” tsukasa asked, standing up and walking over to the coffee pot without an answer, “you’re way too skeptical,”

senku snorted, not expecting that response, “within reason,” he earnestly replied. it wasn’t only because this man, tsukasa, was a stranger to him, but senku in general had a guard up. it wasn’t something he hid. and from the way tsukasa glanced at him with a funny smile, it was obvious he saw that.

“and what reason is that?” he asked, a knowing tone in his voice. senku almost hated it.

“no comment.” senku watched as tsukasa breathed out a silent laugh, and turned his back to him to pour a cup of coffee for a boy that didn’t even ask for one. somewhere between the cold fibers resting inside his body was a warm constellation of everything that senku was; including the things he was aware of and the traits he ignored. he had a core that was genuine, that was filled with the sort of compassion that could take someone’s breath away. but it was inside him, not out. and when tsukasa filled that cup with warm coffee, that senku knew he wanted but again didn’t ask for, he didn’t thank him. he didn’t want to let tsukasa know how deeply the little details of life meant to him.

“at least put pants on,” tsukasa spoke up, placing the cup down in front of senku, “i seriously need to leave.”

“where do you go to school?” senku asked, participating in some ignorance of his own as he again disregarded tsukasa’s continuous pleading for senku to get dressed.

“hirosue university,” 

senku couldn’t stop the way his eyes widened at the response, “how interesting,” tsukasa finally sat back down again next to senku, handing over a phone simultaneously that just so happened to be senku’s. he didn’t really question it as he lifted the phone towards his face only to see the numbers 7:41 staring back at him.

“what class do you unfortunately have at eight in the morning?” senku asked, staring a bit too long at the lockscreen of he and his friends.

“astronomy,” again, senku forgot to hold back the surprise on his face at tsukasa’s response. and this time tsukasa noticed.

before he could say anything, senku quickly spoke up, “i have a thing for space,” he said, not being able to look at tsukasa because he knew he’d have a certain look on his face despite the fact that they’ve only interacted sober with each other for ten minutes. as a quiet silence filled the air again, senku slowly began to realize something.

“who’s your professor?” he asked.

“ishigami.”

“HA.”

“why do you care?” tsukasa questioned, his curiosity obviously peaking at senku’s response. but senku knew how to act natural when he needed to.

he finally looked over at tsukasa again, “i happen to be a student as well at hirosue”

now tsukasa was the one to yield surprise, “do you have ishigami as a professor as well?”

senku could almost laugh, “not particularly.”

“do you just not like him?”

almost, “let’s go with that.”

tsukasa laughed for a moment before standing up, “you managed to waste four minutes talking to me instead of putting pants on. now you can do that in the car,”

senku followed him with his eyes, “you have a car?”

“ENOUGH with the personal questions, i do not need nor want to be late,” tsukasa said as he travelled towards the bedroom and the respective door that senku left open.

“okay mr morning class i get it! i’m going to get my jeans,”

everyone on this earth was born and derived from a single soul. somewhere in the universe, one so vast and intimidatingly so, the soul was made and was broken. and broken as it was it created the different bodies we see today, even now and even back then. everyone was made from the same soul and same portions of matter from the galaxy. it is not wrong to live a life full of romance, a life filled with thanks to the stars in the sky for letting them travel and letting their hearts beat; it’s simply just hard. it is easy to forget that the stars love their creations and very hard to remember. but it is not impossible to let the heart roam.

all his life senku thought it better to appreciate the stars and love them rather than listen to the things those stars created for him. he thought it better to ignore love around him until the day he didn’t. he thought the stars wanted him to fall in love, and he wouldn’t; until the day he did. 

they gave him a heart full of the warmest kind of love, the one that went unseen but was felt the strongest. he loved his friends and he loved to watch the sky change. he loved the rain and fell in love with a boy he thought loved the storm too

until the day it rained too hard.

he did what he thought he was supposed to, what teenagers are supposed to do, and received a gift too cruel and too demanding of him from the stars, the ones he believed in and loved so much.

all his life senku thought it better to never believe in a love that combined your soul with another, and all that happened in the past made him nothing less than absolutely sure to do that. all the things that happened before in the time before now made him hate the things he enjoyed when the only presence he had was himself. it hurt to walk in the rain.

he was born in the cold, in the winter breeze of january and carried himself as a boy made of stone. he rejected the idea of verbal recognition and expression that he felt for others. he rejected what the stars wanted him to feel.

but in the face of his own self, his own heart, he still felt way too deeply. about everything and what everyone does for him, senku falls a little in love with the unspoken gestures of a friend helping him on a bad day, with the different colors of the leaves as they fall from a wooden oak, and with the actions of those who care without hesitance. if anything the things that happened before only made him more aware of that, not so much guarded as he likes to think, but aware. he considered tsukasa to seem guarded, to be the one to promote the distance between them; but it was nothing if not a reflection that senku swore on himself. but that was in no way the truth.

senku was an eighteen year old boy who loved. he was a boy broken once before in the past and a boy that wants nothing more than to heal. but he would never tell himself how much he wants to fall in love, certainly not with others and especially not with himself. senku was in love with noble gases and with video games and with the rainy season and the grey clouds that came with it. he was in love with the earth and the ocean and most importantly the moon. there were rusty chains around his warm, empathetic core, the one that made him love why nature worked the way it did. he had spent a long time figuring out why they were there until the day he decided he didn’t want to care about it anymore, to cry about it anymore.

so no, senku wasn’t guarded. he was a body that the stars made with their soul, and he was desperately way too mindful of that.

he didn’t know if there was something about the way tsukasa cared enough to not wake him up in the early hours of the morning or the way he spoke with his actions without a need for something to gain in return that made him remember what it was that he loved about science, but there he was watching tsukasa open the car door for him when they finally reached campus, thinking about it. he stared at the auburn eyes as he stepped out of the car, wondering why they reminded him of a day spent in the woods as the sun inched step by step past the lighting of dawn.

“i hope you enjoy your 8am,” senku spoke, his voice loose and filled with a knowing idea that he could walk away from this long haired man and never see him again.

“i hope you’ll be able to remember my name the next time we kiss,” as if his words were meant to douse that doubtful flame inside him, that perpetual, eager flame, tsukasa said them with the confidence senku expected him to. it earnestly made him smile as he turned away from the boy and towards his dorm building. the smile said more than senku needed to, more than he could.

senku, underneath the early morning sky, took his phone out of his pocket along with his ID and opened the weather app. he stopped moving as his eyes continued down the weekly forecast: sun all week. it would not rain, not for seven days. not only did that tsukasa boy seem kinda cute, but for a small moment,

senku couldn’t believe he was glad it wouldn’t rain.

**Author's Note:**

> yuuuuhhhh get intooo itttttt.  
> was this inspired by got7 a little bit? that's a secret i'll never tell.  
> my twitter is @ishigamiq but i'm a little bad at using it hehe.


End file.
